I'm entitled to be grumpy.

I can be unpleasant. I worry about situations I cannot control and a lack of proper sleep and/or nutrition can take a toll on a girl. I'd even go as far to say that some mornings I behave like a mama bear who was dragged out of her cave mid-hibernation. I'm entitled to be grumpy. Right?


Well, try living with my husband who rarely exhibits grumpy unless he happens to fall into the right combination of hungry and exhausted (then he behaves like a bear also). As he was preparing for this morning's fishing trip, I peered at him through bleary eyes and smiled as he happily shows me his t-shirt that reads,"I'm entitled to be grumpy." He was a walking contradiction with his big grin as he trotted out the door. I knew he wasn't making a statement about his temperament rather his memories. Paul is a t-shirt collector and ceremoniously retires his t-shirts to family members and makes them solemnly vow to return them if they have no need for them anymore. To Paul, each t-shirt is a wearable memory and today he's wearing the memory of his Grandpa Partee, who was the original owner of the t-shirt. I'm glad that I crawled out of bed and had a few moments with him before he left this morning. Paul possesses some magical endearing charm that inspires me in the most mundane moments and changes my grumpy heart. 

The t-shirt that Paul inherited from his Grandpa Partee.

Enjoying a cup of coffee and organizing my thoughts, I realized that I'm entitled to be grumpy; however, I'm also entitled to accept life, accept each situation, accept what people say or do and handle it. To complain is to not accept what is and to look at things in a negative light. I'm not a victim of life. I was given life! When I have reason to be grumpy or complain, I can accept it or change it. Anything else is pure insanity.


I'm entitled to be happy too.

Rita Rita Runken

Gigi Keller sings a sweet little Norsk rhyme to her great-grandchildren. As best as I know, it's about 2 small doggies. Paul recorded her reciting it and I asked her to help me copy it down. Enjoy!

RITA RITA RUNKEN

Rita rita runken

Hessen needa brunken

Sawda vada silka peada 

Da peada vor da nesta vee

Da vadamen hamen

Two small hoona

Ana seida bo...

Ana seida bo...

A bo wo wo!

UPDATE: Gigi asked Keith Halverson for his help in translating the above. He stated via email,"The nursery rhyme you ask about must be what is called Ride, rider ranke (the toddler sitting on his/her mother’s/father’s knee like riding). It comes in different versions, and I have not succeeded in finding the one which corresponds to the version you give me in a very odd Norwegian translation. Here is a link to some of the versions that exist. A friend from Norway helped me with the song. I hope this is some help."

http://barnesanger.wikispaces.com/Ride,+ride+ranke

Another Perfect Wonder

Another perfect wonder joined our family August 18th. Annalise Joy Keller graces our family with more love, beauty and joy, which always amazes me. I (and ALL our family) was so anxious for her to arrive that I experimented with every old wive's tale to bring on labor. No amount of walking or castor oil was going to convince Annie. She was only 2 days past her due date, but it seemed infinitely longer at the time. Now that she's here and I get to gaze adoringly into her face, I have forgotten how miserable I made myself (and Paul) those last few days of my pregnancy.


There's something about a baby that words fail to express. I'll attempt to explain my thoughts, but words won't completely express my meaning. Holding a new baby is as if finally you have found something perfect. I'm not talking only about outer beauty but what lies behind their eyes. I never tired of looking at a baby's sweet face and suddenly the past, present and future seem to be one thing. The past, of course, is seen in identifiable shared traits such as eyes, hair or a smile. The present is in the way a baby grasps your finger or clings to your chest. The future lies in the knowing look in their eyes or the light behind their eyes is how I often describe it. Babies are a perfect wonder to me. I marvel at how such a tiny body holds so much biological and spiritual wonder.


I'm also in awe at how a baby can take plans and turn them on its head. I have learned this 4 times over. I make plans with some flexibility because you can count on this: If you continue to cling to a set of specific expectations about how life should happen, then you miss out celebrating the real thing. My goal is to liberate myself from the oppressive fantasy of a perfect life and enjoy life's perfect wonders -- my family.

Lexi, Emmi, Livi and Annie

That's Life

I had one of those emotional moments today that brought my vapid little brain to a screeching halt then careening into the infinite possibilities that is life.

   

It snuck up on me. I simply walked to the front door and peered out at Lexi waiting for the bus.  The morning fog enveloped the whole yard and framed the scene like a dream sequence. Chalk it up to hormones or my imaginative nature but her lithe form patiently waiting at the end of our gravel drive created a picturesque metaphor for life. I had to turn away and started softly crying into my hands as I realized that I was responsible for guiding her down her path and helping her understand what lies beyond the fog.

Then I look over at the end of the sofa and see Emmi asleep in a tangle of blankets and down at my swollen belly and become conscious that I have 2 (soon 3) other little girls that I have to guide through life. I couldn’t bring myself to go peek in on Livi curled up in her bed.

How am I going to manage to nurture and guide these girls? I have to constantly remember to love them maternally and forgive them and myself for selfishness. All relationships are flawed with selfishness and a multitude of sins. I just pray that they forgive my mistakes (past, present & future) as I forgive them.

Paul and I are blessed with 3 beautiful girls and we have to remember though they are our children more notably they are God’s gifts. Though we want to say, “This is our daughter.” The truth is children are God’s gifts to give. I battle with thinking of our girls possessively and lately it’s been especially difficult. We have an independent 12 year old, 2 stubborn toddlers and an overdue pregnancy. Why does it seem I pose a challenge to God each time I make a plan? Thank God for my adaptiveness (He certainly shaped it with His own hands) and for His forgiveness as I struggle to put our children's welfare above my own.

That's life.
I tell ya, I can't deny it,
I thought of quitting baby,
But my heart just ain't gonna buy it.
And if I didn't think it was worth one single try,
I'd jump right on a big bird and then I'd fly…

The Art of Distraction

I’m the mother of 3 soon to be 4 (give or take 2 weeks). The hormones surging through my swollen body have managed to affect my brain as well. I admit that I am not very articulate nor armed with the best vocabulary or grammar but trying to piece together complete thoughts is definitely more troublesome while pregnant. Another pregnancy symptom that I look forward to ditching is the insane, vivid dreams. My brand of nonsensical dreams would creep out the likes of Tim Burton… well maybe not but he would at the very least find intriguing material for his movies. 

For the most part, I’ve been too involved caring for the home front to whine about being pregnant. Lately though, my sporadic sleep patterns due to the aches and pains of pregnancy are starting to weigh on me. Though experienced in the whole birth experience, I still find myself somewhere on the edge of joy and dread in these final weeks. The art of distraction though has been a blessing and keeps me from obsessing whether TODAY is the day or not. 

Let’s face it.  None of us like to be forced into doing something or limited in some way. I for one would enjoy living life completely able bodied without having to accommodate extra weight and heft in the front, but the reality is I do and often get leg cramps or ligament pain because of it. Luckily, I have found that a relaxing, uninterrupted bath often soothes me enough that I can pretty much resume normal activity around the house. Also, I hate being limited physically but it just means I have to spend more time doing more sedentary activities like reading or writing. Though, I may fuss a bit at having to slow down, it does help knowing that my condition is temporary and I should be exceedingly grateful for what I do have. The trick is being happy with what you have. It’s easy to complain about what you don’t have (too easy for me) but I remind myself it's much easier in the long run to focus on your blessings instead. 

At times, I feel overwhelmed and even weepy when I start to wonder how in the h-e double toothpicks I’m going to manage one more little person but then I remember the art of distraction. I have to do it daily for myself and I realize that I often do the same for my children.  How often through the course of your own day do you look forward to your “to-do list”? I'm probably being generous when I say at least 50% of my day is loaded with things I really don’t want to do, but they have to get done anyway. The same rule applies to children. They also have their preferences for their day-to-day life (Going to bed on time isn’t one of them). 

You have to keep a mental list of ever-changing “likes and dislikes” and prepare a mental arsenal of distractions. The art of distraction is also known as the art of war… because raising children is a battle, baby. There isn’t much time to analyze and re-analyze when you're staring down the barrel of a gun. Shoot from your hip and if that distraction didn’t work then try another. You have to be quick on your feet literally and metaphorically and nip a potential mêlée in the bud asap or you'll end up at the point of no return in Tantrumsville. Be proactive to avoid bad tempers and pay attention, especially when you have more than one child (there are more variables to consider). Eventually, you can find a suitable activity for your child to do that is within your limits. Don’t ever offer a choice you aren't willing to back up. I’m super-tricky. Thing 1 and Thing 2 often like to be carried from the car to the house. Before they can say,”Mama, will you carry me?”  I say, “Would you like to walk by yourself or hold your sister’s hand?” Get it. Either choice, my pregnant hiney isn’t toting 2 kids. 

The point is… make life easier on yourself and your family. Sometimes, you have to get distracted on purpose to put some space between the problem and solution. No one ever said you have to find the perfect solution to every tiny problem that develops right here and right now. Distraction is a means until you can find a solution. I'm not suggesting you should act now and think later, but all thinking and no action is just as offensive. If you constantly think about a reocurring problem and play out the infinite possibilities in your head until you discover the end-all-be-all solution, then it creates confusion and often frustration. Parenting is frustrating enough. Just breathe and follow your intuition. Each child and each situation is unique to your own family. Paul and I live up to our ideal family standards. We know that we are doing our best and try to keep a realistic perspective. Family life is always going to have difficulties but  we try to revel in the joy that children bring. Life is so much more colorful with children. 

(deep sigh) If you made it to the end, thank you for reading. Writing about my ideas on parenting  helps reassure my beliefs and cleanse my addled brain of unnecessary anxiety.