Wednesday, August 17, 2011

That's Life

I had one of those emotional moments today that brought my vapid little brain to a screeching halt then careening into the infinite possibilities that is life.
It snuck up on me. I simply walked to the front door and peered out at Lexi waiting for the bus.  The morning fog enveloped the whole yard and framed the scene like a dream sequence. Chalk it up to hormones or my imaginative nature but her lithe form patiently waiting at the end of our gravel drive created a picturesque metaphor for life. I had to turn away and started softly crying into my hands as I realized that I was responsible for guiding her down her path and helping her understand what lies beyond the fog.

Then I look over at the end of the sofa and see Emmi asleep in a tangle of blankets and down at my swollen belly and become conscious that I have 2 (soon 3) other little girls that I have to guide through life. I couldn’t bring myself to go peek in on Livi curled up in her bed.

How am I going to manage to nurture and guide these girls? I have to constantly remember to love them maternally and forgive them and myself for selfishness. All relationships are flawed with selfishness and a multitude of sins. I just pray that they forgive my mistakes (past, present & future) as I forgive them.

Paul and I are blessed with 3 beautiful girls and we have to remember though they are our children more notably they are God’s gifts. Though we want to say, “This is our daughter.” The truth is children are God’s gifts to give. I battle with thinking of our girls possessively and lately it’s been especially difficult. We have an independent 12 year old, 2 stubborn toddlers and an overdue pregnancy. Why does it seem I pose a challenge to God each time I make a plan? Thank God for my adaptiveness (He certainly shaped it with His own hands) and for His forgiveness as I struggle to put our children's welfare above my own.

That's life.
I tell ya, I can't deny it,
I thought of quitting baby,
But my heart just ain't gonna buy it.

And if I didn't think it was worth one single try,
I'd jump right on a big bird and then I'd fly